Love . Trust . Appreciate .

Just realised that i've been rushing since last week. Rushing to work and childcare. Early morning bring Grant to childcare and after there leave for work. This few days, after i left him there, he keep crying and wanted to leave with me. Just now on the bus i was thinking how he cried and it really breaks my heart. I felt that i have really neglect him eversince i work. Everyday im rushing for time. Though i came early in the morning but after i have to leave on dot to bring him home cos by the time i reached there is 645pm and most of the children has left. Leaving only a few kids. I know he is feeling neglected in childcare cos how can 1 teacher took care so many kids at a time. I alone take care of Grant is a headached let alone so many kids. Wish i can strike lottery and get a house near teck whye so that we can live near mum or dad and they can go fetch him early in the evening. I dont want wee parents go and bring him back cos of the dexter at home. Haiz.. this is really tou...

Grant has been going to childcare for 2 weeks. Everything is getting better and he listen to me better too. Last time he seems like playing on his own and dont really care what im talking. Even when i talked to him he will just carry on his own mind. But now, he listen to me and seems to grow up alot in the sense of maturity. He knows what is going around him and observe others more rather than seeing himself only. I know its hard for him to be in childcare whole day and i would very much like my mum to take care of him if possible. Cos i know my mum wont pamper him like wee mum. Im really scare wee mum to take care of him becos she is teaching dexter the wrong way. I wont want grant to be like him. She teach him to lie thought not directly but when she lie infront of him, he learns and think that lying is no big deal. Example: when dexter mum asked wee mum whats he's doing now, she would reply that he's studying for spelling but the truth is that he is watching TV. Though i sa...

Today, me & Grant send wee and da fei yi and her friends off to redang at the Budget terminal. They are going for 6 days 5 nights and coming back next Thur . And I'm stuck at this house! At this time, i really wish to have my own house. After sending them off, i really have nowhere to go. Don't feel like coming back and just drive the way down to Jing wei there at seng kang . Thought of going back to teck whye but its a long journey for Grant becos i didn't bring any milk out and I'm really phobia of him crying in the car while I'm driving alone with him. It's really dangerous and choose not to take the risk. Went to jing wei mobile shop and stay with her for awhile until 630pm and head for home. It's Saturday and all the show are either repeat or sucks. Really so boring on weekend. Wish i have no burden and i can go where i like. Even clubbing is no problem for me anytime. But now, I've got to bear my responsibility for another 10 ...

I wonder why Grant keep throwing his temper after he went to childcare. Is it because he saw other children doing the same thing and he come back do the same or just want to get our attention by doing this. This is really bad cos he keep shouting and its really like those rebellious kids. Im starting work tomorrow and i hope everything goes well for him and me.

Im starting work next Monday instead of Thursday because the one Im going to replace is leaving soon. I think. Its good that I can start early rather than wasting time at home. Wish me all the best in my new JOB and hope everything goes well for me.

The silence has finally come today. With me alone in the house and Grant at childcare is always what i want. But now, without grant with me, i felt kind of quiet and miss him. Without his disturbance while I'm at my computer table, I'm really not used to this serenity. Today i keep asking myself; have i done the right thing to send him to childcare? Yesterday after i send him to childcare, me and wee went for breakfast and when we return to the childcare, he kept crying. I know its hard for him to adjust to the childcare so suddenly, but I'm starting work next Monday and i cant possibly next week then send him over. Last night i kept thinking of doggy and recall the way i chase him away forever. Its my fault for not looking for him when he went missing but I really have no means to look after him when grant is with me. I regret mistreating doggy when he is with me and now he's gone. I still miss him alot till now. He had been with me for 6 years and just because i have ...

Finally after 2 interviews, I'm hired by a shipping company in Bencoolen street. Starting work this 23th and Grant will be going to childcare this coming Monday. Just now went to the childcare and let him play. Seems like he pretty much like the place. So many toys and friends with him. He didnt look for me when I'm in the office discussing with the principal and thats a good sign because i wont want him to keep looking for me if not how he going to stay in the childcare. I hope everything goes well for him in the childcare.

I'm looking for job now because I know I'm going to fail my O level. Guess its too late for me to retake Os now. All the subject has changed and the more I study, the more I'm confused. New method, new teaching. Which to follow? The old method I learnt has gone. Now its all new. I'm like those elderly trying to learn new things and time is catching up. I should go for Secretary course in the 1st place but due to the expensive fees, I have sign up for O level. Its really a big big mistake. I don't know why I have made so many mistake this year. 1st is this O level, 2nd is the stupid HP. waste money and waste time! Damn!!! Now I'm trying to sell my hp and i was so happy when it was sold the day before. I think I'm really in bad luck because the phone was returned back. The phone hang when he upload the photos just 1 day after he bought. Haiz!!! Why is this happening to me? All the bad luck for this year. Making me waste money!! From now on, I must really think...

Grant is singing while listening to music. He knows how to hum abit and follow the rhyme. He is learning so fast that when wee say "beat you ar", he will raise his hands and want to beat him instead. But he still not beating YET. I hope when I put him in childcare, he wont learn the bad habits but also wont let him get bullied too. What a contradiction between childcare and baby-sitter. Its dangerous to give baby-sitter look after especially at their house. It all depends on luck whether this baby-sitter will treat baby good or bad. Unless we put camera at home when baby-sitter is at home. Haiz wish that I can have my own house soon. Sick and tired of here.